The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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