He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
