we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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