hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
