I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
