I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
