So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
