So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
