if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
