dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i believe in u and ur pee
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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