So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
