these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
