that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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