A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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