I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
