I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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