the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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