Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
