i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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