On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize