walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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