this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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