New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
