You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
