P.S. I can't hear my feet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
