I wish I could punch you in the face.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
