The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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