The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
