I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
