The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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