i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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