I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
