i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
