This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
