So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
