Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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