never play flip cup with pint glasses
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
