Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
