she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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