listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
