Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Randomize
