You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
