I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
