five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
