Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
