Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
