I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
