so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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