by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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