all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
