just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
