I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
