We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
that may or may not have been my penis.
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