"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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