i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
