Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
