How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
