sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
